Lesbian families and the negotiation of maternal identity through the unconventional use of breast milk

Abstract

This paper provides consideration of how lesbian mothers negotiate maternal identities in families where there are two mothers but only one birth mother. Although this paper considers only one specific family arrangement, it does acknowledge the diverse structures of lesbian families including single lesbian mothers and couples where neither mother has a biological link with their baby. Some narratives of lesbian headed families with one biological mother suggest that maternal identities may be negotiated through the equal distribution of maternal care, domestic work and paid work, which could lead to egalitarian parenting roles. A division of labour such as this also has the potential to eliminate or reduce biologically based separation between birth and non-birth mothers. Based on research conducted on modernised versions of breast milk sharing, this overview article aims to suggest possible ways that the unconventional or alternative uses of breast milk may be useful in rethinking the separation between birth and non-birth mothers (in families where this distinction is relevant) and the division of labour when caring for children. These alternative uses include the provision of breast milk by non-birth mothers, particularly through inducing lactation and having their infant suckle at the breast, and the buying and selling of breast milk collected from lactating women. Importantly, these are all methods which have been used successfully by other non biological mothers such as adoptive mothers. Through the interviews, observations and wider reading that I have conducted as part of my own research, I highlight these alternative uses for breast milk which lesbian co-parents could incorporate into their parenting roles in order to establish identity based around the embodiment of breast feeding or the provision of breast milk if it is their desire to do so. These unconventional uses of breast milk may offer strategies for lesbian-headed families (and other family forms where not all family members are biologically related, such as in adoptive families) to minimise the difference between birth mother and non-birth mother and, thus, facilitate their equal recognition as dual mothers from the very early stages of their parenting experience.